The definition of confidence has not only changed these days but it has also become exactly what the opposite of confidence is!
When some people don’t work upon their fears, insecurities, flaws, shortcomings and toxic coping mechanisms, they develop this false sense of confidence and fool people around them. Their false sense of confidence shows in their toxic behaviour such as arrogance, meanness, being competitive, wanting to one up in everything , wanting to hijack conversation, not letting anybody else speak or express. These behavioural traits doesn’t define confidence infact they define exact opposite of confidence. When someone acts like this, they are highly insecure, hide their flaws by exaggerating what they do or who they are, they try to minimise and discredit those who have talent, capabilities, lot of potential and try to steal spotlight from them.
Example – A humble person (humility is actually a sign of high self-esteem and confidence) can reach to the top of mountain but if they don’t show off or flaunt what they have done with a condescending tone or snobbish facial expression, if they don’t have arrogance or ‘ better than you’ attitude then most people will seldom notice them and their work, talent and achievements. On the other hand if someone does a little of bit of something but they know how to exaggerate it, how to be mean, snobbish and repeating what they have done on a daily basis overtly or in subtle ways then everybody thinks ‘Wow’ he or she is such a confident person. If you have watched bollywood movie “Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham”, the character ” Poo” ( Pooja) played by Mrs Kareena Kapoor Khan is mean, snobbish, obsessed with her beauty and she bullies, shames, demeans other females in her college and acts like she is the best and most popular person who is entitled to all attention and praise,that too all the time. This character is mean , bully because she is so insecure that if spotlight turns towards any other girl even for a day or a minute, she will lose her status of being the queen bee, the desire of being the queen bee is born of unhealed insecurities, lack of confidence and low self esteem. These women create a bubble , a delusion of grandiosity to hide all their issues and shortcomings, rather than working upon this, they start attacking others in subtle, sly manner. A confident girl/woman is never loud, she is humble, helpful, kind, loving and loves to see others winning in life, she is confident and secure that no other woman and her personality can ever overshadow hers.
Confidence is about the mentality that we all deserve our fair share of spotlight, attention and due recognition. The mentality of desperately wanting to be a “queen bee” is reeking of unwillingness to work upon one’s insecurities and shortcomings so rather than working on that, a wanna be queen bee starts being a mean bully to others. Now see here’s a twist, not all mean wanna be queen bees do it overtly and in obvious manners, most cunning and cruel hearted ones do it very subliminally, diplomatically and insidiously. They know when to act mean, when to feign a humble nice girl persona, they keep everyone fooled with their convenient masks, they know how to demean, devalue and damage other’s reputation all while keeping up a facade of nice, girlie girl, guys’ girl, cool girl exterior. The true meaning of being a Queen Bee is not what these girls think it is. A queen bee 👑🐝 is like a mother to all other bees, she produces chemical scents that help regulate the unity of the colony, without her the hive can’t survive. That’s who a Queen bee is! So next time you see a girl trying to be a wannabe queen bee by throwing other females under the bus underhandedly, slyly, stay miles away from her and shine like a star that you are. Also help other people, guide them and don’t shy away from being a real Queen Bee which you always have been- Motherly, kind, healing, responsible, resilient, affectionate and confident.
Love, Yorisha Singh (Shakti).
